Submarines and flowers

I am having dreams that make me wake up in a spin. I dream about living in a submarine and lots of people come and visit me. Have you ever had one of those dreams where people from different times in your life come together in your dreams?

The latest one is about my mum. She arrives in her lovely green jacket and tartan headband. All her hair is back - she looks like the mum I remember when I was 12. She asks to come in and I say yes. I tell her I miss her - she tells me I should get on and that she is just here for a while. I smell the lavender on her clothes. I am taken back to lying with her when she was so ill. I am transported back to the most painful time in my life. Yet I am smiling. I am smiling because I have her back, even though she is in pain, I have her back. For those few hours I feel delirious. I am on a high. I play her simon and garfunkel and I tell her about what I have been doing. She does not speak she just listens. Occasionally she touches my hair. I then introduce her to a dear friend of mine. She smiles and tells me I am lucky and that I should stop being like my father. Accept life is tough and embrace it. I miss her for this. I miss the fact that she often did not tell me what I wanted to hear.

The time for her to leave is near and I know it. I ask her to stay and she says she does not want to. She wants to go. She needs to go. I hold on to her green coat and smile. I ask when she is coming back and she says nothing. I notice her face becoming more blurred. I wake up. I wake up and re-enter the real world.